After an amazing break

I thought I would have written by monday, but I have been so busy! On monday I got to Orem. It had been snowing really hard in the morning, so i didn't think I would be able to get down there. Even though the sun came out so I was able to! I had lunch with my sister before she headed to Texas for thanksgiving. I also filmed my sister for something she had to do for a job she was applying for. We hiked up to a place near cottonwood and it was beautiful. I then got to see Carson and Bekah. I missed them so much and i'm glad I got to see them. It was a fabulous day and i'm so glad it worked out. Tuesday I had thanksgiving with my dad and we just went and got sushi. It was a perfect thanksgiving to have with him. Wednesday I got up to Park City. Both of my stepsisters were in along with my nephew and brother in law. I'm so glad I was able to spend so much time with them this week. I can't believe the next time I see my nephew that he will be a toddler. I hate that they are all so far away. I spent a lot of wednesday with Nicole too. I have missed her so much! Thanksgiving was wonderful and we had my stepdads entire family up. A couple of them tend to drive me nuts but most I like. It was then black friday so I worked the morning shift and night shift. A lot of my coworkers from this summer came back just to work black friday. It was great and I have really missed my job there and my coworkers that I was close to. I got called into work today so i had to cut my trip short and come back to Logan. Even though I decided to make the best of it and it turned out to be a good day. Plus I definitely will love having a bigger paycheck. I found out that I can go home for a couple weeks of christmas break instead of staying in Logan the whole time to work. I can transfer to the pc store for that time and then come back when school starts. This has made me so happy that I keep my job and get to go back to family and friends. It definitely added to my day being great. One of my roomates also came back early and we ended up talking for a couple hours. Something I think that was needed given what has happened with some of my other roomates.I also got to see a friend I don't see often so there was definitely reasoning behind me coming back early.

I have absolutely no complaints of my break. It was absolutely perfect. I spent a lot of it taking care of my nephew too. I have fallen in love with that little one so much. I kept asking to feed him and take him and even change him. When I came back at four am on black friday, my stepsister was up with him. I was like "Let me take him and feed him for you!" It's definitely a lot of work and I love him so much, but I am really glad i'm just a working student. I would love so much to be a mother one day, but definitely not for another ten years.

I feel like i always realize the most on my trips home. I just needed to get back to my happy self and de-stress. It helps me realize when I just need to make things better and not expect that because things aren't going perfectly, that they wont get better. As i've said before and just needed to realize again, i can make them better on my own. Hopefully i'll stay happy and with this attitude. My roomates are coming back tomorrow and finals start this week. Yet i think it will all work out. The only thing that has been slightly hard this week is that I haven't heard from someone who I have looked at to be one of my closest friends. I'm trying not to take it personal, but it's hard. I feel like i'm being avoided. I guess i'll just have to see. Anyways it is almost four am and I need to sleep so I can get up and spend my day studying. To everyone who is finishing up the semester, I wish you luck. I also hope everyone is staying safe with this weather that has started. Here are just a couple photos from my break!


Baby Austin and I


Overlooking the city

Greatful for my family and friends

Well I haven't posted in a few days. School and everything else has been pretty good. I've been happy. I felt reasonably well most of the week. Until wednesday night when I hit a wall and got sick again. On Thursday my friend was telling me I probably had mono, since I had all the symptoms and my glands were swollen. I went back to the doctor today. I do in fact have mono. Five weeks ago when I was first diagnosed with my two infectons, I had tested negative for mono. Apparently when it's first developing, it's not always detectable in the blood. Now we understand why I have been so incredibly sick for so long. He said it usually goes away in about 6-7 weeks, so hopefully it will be gone soon. I came home for the weekend. I got to see Nicole tonight. I have missed her so much and we had some amazing conversations. I'm glad I have such a strong and sweet best friend. Now I get to spend the rest of the weekend with my family and her which I am so glad I get to do. Things really are pretty good considering. I'm still so excited for Thanksgiving and that weekend. Then Christmas will be coming up! I also still have my countdown till Rob gets here and my birthday. Everything is looking up. With the things that are hard, we all have a great perspective and hope. There is no reason to waste time on being angry or upset when everyone is still here and able to make good memories. That's my perspective. I heard this quote on one of my favorite shows and it's really true. "Happiness is a mood, not all days will you be happy, but it is not nessicarily something that needs to work to be achieved in a long stretch of time." It was something along those lines. I'm living in the moment and making everything the best it can be. I also found out today that my grandma was in the hospital last week due to a rollover on her scooter. No one could reach my aunt who was out of the country and they didn't have numbers for my dad or other aunt. After this she has decided to move back. I'm very close with her and i'm happy she is. When I was in 7th grade I'd go to her place just about everyday after school. We would watch Dr. Phil, Oprah, Play cards, and then go to dinner. She is an incredible person and has remained sharp up until 91 years old. I'm glad she will be here for the last years of her life. I've lost two grandmas in the past five years, and it has been hard. One of them pratically helped raise me, but when she got sick and moved across the state, I didn't see her as much in the last years of her life. My other grandma is my step grandma that I got very close to in five years. I don't want to lose another while i'm not there. I hope she remains healthy, but I know realistically that wont be the case. I can hope for the best as I am in every situation. I'm just glad I get to be close to her again. Anyways I am exhausted. I will write later. Night all. Stay safe.

I may just be back

I feel like i'm getting back to a happy point. I pretty much sat in my apartment this weekend and watched season 2 of gossip girl. Yes, I have found how to cure my loneliness. It seemed to work rather well. Once again I pondered the situations before me. I'm trying to maintain the highest amount of happiness and figuring out ways to do so. In some cases that meant getting certain people out of my life. After my breakup I went from dating such a sweet person to guys that just aren't the nicest. I continually went back to the same one. I don't need someone that ignores me most of the time and just calls me when he gets lonely. Self respect and walking away is a beautiful thing. But what happens to counteract this? I have three new people come into my life. A couple are still making their way in, but it's just amazing how this happens. It gives me hope that it will get better. Of course once I have my mind clear, I go with my philosophy of doing what I can to better things. Meeting new people and doing what I love just seems to go with that. I've still had to try and move on from my break up too. I feel like your heart has to start to let go before you can fully try and move on. When we ended things and I knew it was best to, yet when you have those feelings there it isn't the easiest thing to do.

As everyone knows I have been insanely sick since i've come to school. With my two infections that never seem to leave and other things to it. I'm hoping that I'm starting to get better. After fighting those several times over, and that I am actually taking medication to boost my immune system. It's looking good. I want to be a normal college student who doesn't miss class. I love learning and school. I really think it made me even more depressed being out of classes and not being there to live up to my full potential. Instead I was just doing a little effort to get through classes since I was too sick to deal with them all full force.

I believe things are starting to look up. Not just a good perspective but things are starting to get better. I'm so excited for the holidays. Then soon after that it's my birthday and Rob will be here! :). Hopefully I'll be able to do my intership in California this summer. The way to be happy is to live your life fully and invest love into your relationships. My parents, sister, and few close friends have boosted me up a lot. I love having great phone calls and knowing that they're there, even if they are far away is distance. I even love those sweet phone calls from my little brother, and just being able to hear that sweet little voice when he tells me he loves me. Small little things that make me feel so much better.

Oh and if I have learned anything this past week. Many guys are just creepers. Last week was creeper week and I had so many odd experiences. Even though my heart to heart with my new guy manager did help me understand guys so much better right now. With my recent situations. It was a great and interesting perspective.

Anyways this is so long and I have classes to catch up on. I love you all! Enjoy the snow.

Well this weekend was amazing. I had a lot of fun at the howl and it was just great. Sunday I had to work at nine, which was awful. Then I just layed around at my dorm. It wasn't too exciting. Yesterday I had to go to court. We got up there and they didn't have a paper that was needed that was relating to my plea, so I have to go back on the 29th. I essentially missed class for nothing. I took a certain person to court today that was there that night. They ended up getting two days jail time. We saw it was coming due to the judge, but it broke my heart hearing that. Were good kids that were just in a stupid situation and we've learned from it. It's not fair that this is happening. Also with what happened that night. My god I just don't understand.

I'm also tired of so many people around me. I'm sick of listening to people judge others. I don't have anyone here I can talk to. I want to be home right now. I absolutely want my family more then anything. It's beyond me what to do right now. I love going to school, but i'm just not sure how much I can stand certain people here. I feel like i'm back in Utah County, and i hate that. I'm not mormon or conservative. My views are very different. I don't go around drinking even if I hang out with people that do sometimes. And yeah I have dated a lot of people this year and I can tell i'm looked down on for that. I can tell people just think they know everything I do because I hang out with certain people or because I date different people. I love my university and many friends here, but this is bothering me a lot. Along with i'm really only close to one person, and I never see him. I don't know right now. We'll see how things go.

Yesterday and today have been perfect. I ran a booth at the masa carnival yesterday and I loved it. It was so nice to volunteer and see so many cute little kids. Then the dance last night was fun for a little while. I started at aeropostale here in Logan today. I absolutely love it. My boss and coworkers are so friendly, and I like it there too. It's a lot less busy from Park City, so that will take getting used to. I essentially got paid to pass out candy today. Once again, I loved the cute children and their costumes. There were even parents that had their kids take pictures with me, since they liked my peacock costume so much. It was really entertaining. The howl is tonight and I am SO excited. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, so I absolutely love everything going on. I have no complaints right now. Great attitude and i'm just done with any negative people in my life. After my break up, I was having such a hard time that I got with some not so great guys. Nothing really happened, but some of them are just users and I don't want that. I've had some really awful breakups and guys this year. I have decided that I want to remain single for a while. Yeah I don't think anyone though they would EVER hear me say that considering i'm always with someone. Hell my roomates give me so much shit for how many guys i've dated this school year. I need to focus on myself and school, and not focus on assholes that try and use me. I know not all guys are like that, and when it's meant to happen, it will. I'm glad that Charlie is one of my closest friends, and even though we broke up, were still close. I'm just glad there are still good guys out there like that. They don't just try and get in your pants, and they are actually there for you when you need it. Thank you to the good guys out there. Rob, Carson, Nick, and Charlie are the sweetest guys I know. I'm so glad I have them. That's all I have for everyone. I'll write on monday and do my court update. hahaha

Happiness

It has definitely been a week of ups and downs. Yet I have felt a lot better from last week. It has really only been at night that i hurt, but it hasn't been that much. As of today I just feel amazing and so happy. I've talked to so many amazing friends this week. Rob has called me from England and Lauren and I had a two hour conversation the other night. It's hard having two of my closest friends in England and California. I love them and I am so glad that I have such good friends. I've also talked to my family a lot this week and spent time with people around campus and in my building. I am surrounded by some amazing people. It's amazing how just changing your mindset can help everything so much. There are still hard things going on, but it helps being positive and realizing the good things in your life. I've been looking at a blog this week that has made me so greatful for everything. Growing up, my family was really close with a family that had three kids. After my parents divorce and through our moves, we slightly lost touch. Recently we found out their son, who was mine and my sisters friend in our childhood, had a drug overdose and is in a coma. This happened back in March and they have a blog going documenting just about everyday of how he is doing. We all take being healthy for granted everyday, and I couldn't imagine how I would handle it if any of my siblings were in a coma. I'm so greatful and happy to have so many wonderful people around me, along with getting better from being sick, and also being able to go to school. Just so many simple things i'm glad to have right now. Anyways it is now Halloween weekend and I start work tomorrow and it's the Howl. It will be a really fun weekend. That's all I really have to say. I will post later. <3

Beauty in the morning

After a very long and scary drive last night, I finally made it back to Logan. I spent my time after studying and doing other needed assignment. Once all was done, I just layed in bed and listened to the rain fall outside my window until Four am. I feel like I can think the best within the calm and just beautiful things such as that. I even started to go over song lyrics in my head, which doesn't happen a lot lately. This morning I dragged myself out of bed at 7:30 and begrudingly made my walk to the library to get my textbook back by eight. I was half asleep and didn't want to make the walk in the cold. That soon changed once I stepped outside and it was so nice. It wasn't too cold and I looked up and could see the snow dusted on the mountains. I knew that winter was finally starting to grace us. I started out my day with a nice walk in the lovely new winter morning and my cup of coffee.

It's simple things like that that make me so greatful and just brings me a bit of happiness. I know I made the best decision going home this weekend. I needed just to be alone and think about all of these obstacles in my life. Along with being able to talk to my mom and spend time with my little brother. On Sunday I slept in and took my brother out to lunch. We then got stuff to paint pumpkins and I got my coffee and he got his ice cream. It was a wonderful and pleasant relaxing day. It was also nice that I got some unexpected yet good texts at 3 am that definitely started my day on a high note. I'm glad to feel happy again and that I have finally let go of my guilt and anger. By no means is anything going to be easy, but I know it will be okay. I get to go to court on the 1st for my lovely MIP. Hey maybe they will be nice to me for my .01 alcohol level. It's ridiculous but I'm not worried. I'm just concerned for everyone else. I believe what Charlie says though and I know that shit happens but it will all pan out. That's the update on everything. I hope everyone is having a fantastic week before Halloween. I will be posting soon. <3