Impact

It's amazing how one day can change so much in your life.

During this week, I went from ending a relationship and being completely fine to then just feeling absolutely heartbroken. I realized to the extent of how many people I've pushed away the past few months and it was awful that I didn't really have anyone to be with and take my mind off of things. All of my summer plans faded away with my relationship and I felt so incredibly lost of where I'd live or even how I'd spend my summer. Then it came to the end of the week where apparently another ex boyfriend and his 21 year old friends decided to spend a night out of nowhere harassing me and then of course I ran into them that night. It's definitely really awesome when I feel lonely and worthless and then I have people that contribute to that feeling. None of us are even huge issues but somehow it really impacted me and tore me apart. It's when I feel alone and don't see bright things ahead that it badly hits my depression and wacks out my thinking.

Anyways onto the bright side of this story. I woke up yesterday to a text from a close friend who I've been distant from lately. It immediately went into how she felt bad about this distance with us and ask what was wrong. I got to spill everything and talk about life and pulling ourselves out of times like this. It honestly helped immensely not only having a friend, but someone I didn't think I had as one anymore.

This lead into a thought process and a long conversation with my sister and it finally made me realize where exactly I need to be this summer and what I need to do to feel better and get everything together.

Then I got to hear from someone else who was a best friend and I dearly missed. It honestly meant a lot hearing I was missed and loved when I no longer though I was.

I then got asked to dinner by another lovely friend and got to enjoy the company of some other great people also.

And after getting home and about killing my roommates friend with a champagne cork and then hot tubbing, I reconnected with yet another friend and ex and got to go chat with him and just have a good hangout.

My whole point to this story is that all of these interactions and having these people come back in my life, along with the realizations that I had, it really changed a lot for me. It changed my feelings immensely and it honestly kind of saved me in a way. This all may sound stupid to people, but it's amazing how each of these little things helped me so much during a bad time.

Anyways that's my story. Don't ever underestimate the impact you may have on someone and how much you can change something for them.

Much love everyone

It's been a while

I don't even know when the last time was that I blogged. Overall I've been doing wonderful the past six months. I decided to take a semester off school. Between issues with money and just overall built up stress, I wasn't letting myself do as well as I should have done. I think it was a great decision since I really have regrouped and figured out so much in this short time. Once the going got rough, I let myself shut down and then continuously let it happen. I'm just so glad I finally feel back to a good point in my life. Most people know I struggle with depression and sometimes it gets to a really awful point. I learned a lesson this week just how important it is that even when I have been doing well for a long time, I need to keep on that. For some reason when something bad happens, I get into such a warped mind set and then I also forget my medication which spirals me way too far down.

I only want people to know this because it happened for a few days of this past week and I was an entirely different person and I was honestly batshit. I couldn't hold myself together, which normally, I cry on very rare circumstance. I learned a lot that yes that medication does make me insanely better, but when not used properly it will make my mindset so much worse. I'm glad I got back on track fast or I would have done something really bad when normally it's not something I would have ever wanted.

Anyways that was just something I needed to get across. Maybe people will understand to some extent to why I was so drastically different. Though honestly, my life is fantastic right now. I've never been so close to my family, I have a great boyfriend, and there's so much going for me. I am also so grateful for my job and how much i love it and everyone i work with. I also do have many wonderful friends in my life. Even if It feels distant right now, I do have many great ones.

I have been thinking about making a move to St George for school. Just with everything that happened with school and we all know I love new adventures, I thought it may be great. Plus it's quite a great price to go to school there. As much as I very much want to, I now have another person to think about leaving. Along with how I don't know if I would want to leave my job here.

Anyways that's some sort of an update and me wanting to explain some stuff. Much love to everyone!