Of all the things i know right now

Heartbreaks are a bitch to get over. You would think after quite a while and liking other people that it would go away though no matter what that person will be on your mind. Especially when they shouldn't be because they were such a prick and don't deserve to call themself a man.

Men drive me nutty. One day they're so sweet and the next they're doing some dickish thing. What the hell. (This is generally every guy. I don't want any guy i'm close with or dating to get upset and think i'm calling them a dick. Everything is good right now but of course this is annoying when it occurs)

It really makes you feel like shit when you work your ass off for something for years and don't end up getting it.

It's really sad when you need members of your family and they're not there for you and couldn't give a shit. Unless they're just trying to make you feel awful and reinforce that even when you go to school full time and work two jobs (not to mention i just got offered a third) that you still just aren't good enough.

Well not to mention on that one that i have never been so overwhelmed then at this moment. Though i refuse to give up on any of it.

I don't get people who ya thought you were close to and you come back to school and they don't even awknowledge you. Awesome.

Lastly, i am uberly stoked on being completely alone on Christmas. No, not at all but sarcasm is fun.

Even though all of this sucks right now and my heart hurts a ridiculous amount, i have some amazing friends who i wouldn't trade anything in the world for. Even with all this i am blessed with some amazing friends right now and the best roommates i could ask for. Though of course they're on the amazing friends category. I know things will get better and i just need to keep plugging through. Thank goodness for those friends or i would just let all this make me never want to leave my bed right now. Such is life though and there will be a lesson and strength in all of this no matter how hard it all is.

I'm not entirely sure why i just did this in second person but oh well. Anyways that's all i have. Here's to a good November.

The down weeks

I feel as if it doesn't matter how great your life is, there will be weeks where everything just becomes too much and bad things happen. Even this week in sociology we were discussing about families and the different upbringings we all had. It just brought me back to how sometimes how i miss those days. It was my sister and i against the world and we had no idea what bad was ever occuring. The days before i ever worried about bills, how much homework or work i had, or when i felt so insecure and hurt. I never had to ponder what the hell it was that was wrong with me of why i guy just up and walked away without a word. The fact that i now let that hurt my current relationship because i always wonder why i'm not good enough.

This year has been amazing and i'm just not entirely sure why i have been so upset all week. It's definitely a mixture of things though i just shouldn't have been as badly as i was. I'm just ready to go and see my sister and make up my mind to what i want to do. I don't know if i want to stay here the entire year. I feel as if i'm just burnt out and just need the person who has been there my entire life and who i've always been the closest to. I'm letting my past effect me too much and maybe getting out of here is the solution to that and the hurt that it brings. It's really awful that it took my car accident and all the care from people to help me see that i'm not so alone. I have wonderful friends and i know that but there was just still something in me that caused me to wonder about a lot of people and that kind of helped it. Everything is just complicated and i have been under so much stress that my emotions are wacked out. Hopefully next week brings something better. Anyways that's all i really have to update.