Of the many things i dislike at this moment

The list of things i really dislike right now. Possible with explanations to follow
-Ungodly debt
-Power struggles in my extended family
-Feeling like i can't do anything right sometimes
-My grandmother being sick
-The Cache Valley justice system
-Guys who can't make up their minds

Of all the things going on right now, i am actually quite happy. I'm stressed out of my mind but i'm managing. First off my debt is definitely a large contributor to my stress. Hell if i didn't have that then i wouldn't have to be going between two locations and getting another job. I don't mind going between locations, i just hate feeling like i'm a pain in the ass with my bosses. My debt isn't fron unnessicary purchases or anything, it's all from doctors, optical, or just getting food to get by. The biggest cause too is thanks to the Cache Valley justice system. I do believe the courts are great to have but sometimes i do believe they exercise their power just for the sake of doing it. Yeah i'm sorry i drank just a wee bit of alcoholic tea one night but it is really worth sacking me with over six hundred dollars of things to pay? NO. The sad thing is they said that my record was great and they could tell i was a good kid. Yet i still get all that. I can't even explain how much better things would be if i didn't have all that to pay. Having that even interferes with me trying to live and get my education. I'm supporting myself so i can have a roof over my head, food, my car to get to and from my jobs and seeing my family, and so i can pay for school. Am i able to put a dime towards school due to all of this? no. It just puts me in more debt. It just has me all sorts of pissed off. Then as i'm trying to work all my jobs to pay my enormous debt, i have my ailing grandmother who i'm trying to see. Does my extended family make it any easier? That answer would be a solid no. My father and my one aunt absolutely hate their sister that is my other aunt. This all just causes unneeded issues. I used to get my gas paid for with my grandmothers card to come down and see her. Now due to a power struggle, i only have access through my aunt and have to drive far out of my way to get it filled up. Not to say it's insanely offensive acting like i don't know how to handle such a thing and that i'll let it fall into the wrong hands. I also hate how my grandmother still to this day deals with them going back and forth about how terrible the other one is. Honestly, shut the fuck up and let them women have peace. That by no means helps her, it causes her to even get worse with that stress. I apologize for the language and that usually is not me to say that type of thing, but it's the only thing that can completely explain my feeling on that.

Then the guy thing. Not the biggest issue. It's annoying but i have bigger problems. My relationship didn't last long just because neither of us were ready. I just hate how guys go back and forth about wanting and not wanting. It's ridiculous. Well this blog was angry. It was needed. I do have a great day ahead of me tomorrow so it's time for bed. Peace.

Oh the days of learning

Without a doubt this summer has been amazing and it continues to be. I just am so stoked to go back to school. It's not for the social aspect either. That part is great and i love all the things that go on during the year but it's not the only thing i miss. I can't wait for classes to start up. I'm just the type of person where i do like working but i don't want to do it all the time. I love school and have to have that in my life. I still did well in classes last year but i definitely plan on applying myself more. As long as i study harder then i know i can ace it all this year. I love learning and even just studying. It's great to feel accomplished and gain more knowledge. I also just want to sit at my desk right now and do homework but i have nothing to do sadly. I feel like such a bum just working and then spending the rest of my days sleeping and such. I do go to Salt Lake a lot to help my grandma but i still need something to make me feel more accomplished. I'm excited to be able to go cozy up in the library again and study with my coffee. I love it. People probably think i'm weird for this but it's just what i like. Especially since my mindset has changed it will help me to do better since i'm so much happier then i've ever been. Even though i've always loved school, i'd get overwhelmed easily or depressed and i'd stop applying myself as much. I would have kicked ass in high school if i would have done that. Though the past is the past and i can just change the future. All i know is everything happens for a reason. I continue to think that with school, relationships, and everything else in my life. It has helped me so much realizing that. Instead of just trying to change or dwell on everything, i just let it play out. It's my philosophy and it has done me well. Well it's time for bed. I just wanted to write a bit!

(In)sanity

I'm definitely still sane even if there are times i feel as though i'm going to lose my mind. Life is great it's just very busy and continually getting busier. Right now i'm just working my one job even though i am working at Park City and Cache. Then i am making constant trips down to Salt Lake to be with my grandma. I absolutely love seeing her but it's just stressful since she has a hard time hearing and she gets confused so that makes it hard when i spend time with her. Then when i'm in Salt Lake i'm always seeing friends, family, or my boyfriend. Yes, i did just say the B word. This is the first i've said anything about it outside my family and close friends. Since we just officially got together a few days ago, we decided to wait a bit before coming out with it on facebook. He lives in Orem and of course i'm in Logan so we need to see how it works with the distance before we come out publicly on facebook and all that jazz. Then i just got on a second job. It's such a relief so i can finally pay off some bills and hopefully get money into savings. I'm pretty good with what i have coming in right now but it's still not enough. I do eat out a little too much though and i still shop a wee bit. The most i'll spend in one trip is like fifteen dollars but that's still money that could go towards paying off bills i have. Though i feel like it's okay to treat myself sometimes. I feel like i shouldn't just work hard without getting stuff to make me happy sometimes. Given it doesn't break the bank.

It's still stressful trying to figure out how i'll balance school, two jobs, getting to Salt Lake to care for my grandma, having my long distance relationship, and still seeing friends and family. It's going to be difficult but i may have figured it out. Everything is crazy and just going to get crazier but i love life right now. Hopefully everything works out well. Well that's all i have. Everyone have a great week!

Life is good. :)

So my last blog definitely wasn't the happiest but things have definitely shaped up since then. I was very tired of some people and guys in particular that can't stand to just be friends with a girl. Guys have no right to be assholes if you don't want anything romantic with them or even sexual. I'm happy to say that i finally had a guy come into my life that is amazing and nothing like that. It's funny he entered my life the night before i got in a fight with a guy friend over this reason and we stopped being friends. I do feel as if people walk into your life and others leave. It's great to know guys do exist still that are sweet and will constantly tell you you're beautiful and that you're great, hold doors open and pay like a man should sometimes, and even just not push having sex. I've never had a guy do all of those things and i have to say i love having it. Every girl deserves that and then the good guys deserve girls that wont throw them under the bus and use them. Finally having a great guy come into my life has made me really happy.

Then figuring out money situations made things better. Then i'm so greatful that i have been able to spend so much time with my grandma and help her out. I also continue to make wonderful friends up here. Things are just good. My job is also wonderful. I love being able to go back and forth between PC and Cache and i have met so many great people through work this summer. I have like a great big work family and i love it. They are all amazing. :). I'm just enjoying every little bit of summer too. It has been a great summer so far. I am excited to go back to school though since i miss having classes and learning.

Also i apparently have to make a shout out to Nicole Lacount in this. Yo and i will see you wednesday. :). ha. Alright time to sleep. <3 you all!