I feel like I only write on this during hard times but that's when I really have the inspiration to sit and write. I've said before when it was the toughest time of my life and it happens again. My strength has been tested immensely and I almost came to not being able to make it through last week. It was ironic when I had said that things couldn't get worse and oh did they. My strength, faith, and beliefs were very much tested. I couldn't figure out why god would make me want to give up. I can't say I'm completely better but I feel like it was to make me stronger. I feel the strongest I have ever been right now.
I'm still waiting for things to get better. I won't disclose any of the big things that happened last week since honestly they aren't things I want to tell people and I don't want to relive them. It's not anything I did, they're just screwed up things. I do just hope I can get a job soon and I'm in the process of moving on from someone who I know I've had very strong feelings for for a long time. Right now I just want to work, have school, and be alone and find myself. I've realized that as much as there is only one man I want to be with, I don't want to right now and I don't want to be with someone else. I just want to keep busy and find happiness again. I need to be confident again and hopefully see that I am good enough. Once guys continually walk away or you get turned down for a job to people much younger, it really hurts.
I fully believe being positive will bring about great things and I think this could be an amazing summer. I'll be writing more often. This will help me too. I think it helps too to not keep everything bottled up. If I keep my depression from people and they can't understand it, then well it's not going to be a good thing. That's all I have. I do have to say that without my parents, siblings, and best friends, I honestly don't think I'd be here right now. I don't think they know just his much they have helped me and I'm so grateful for that.
