Over the past week, things have been really great. I just figured out how to make things better, and everything got better. It made me love it again here. I was really buried in school and work but I enjoyed it. I also really love my job so that's a plus. I had my last final today and I did really well so I was really happy about it. Friday my tuition got paid off. Yet yesterday there were fees that weren't on my payment, that still held my account. I paid those and finally registered for classes. Then today I found out next semesters tuition is due on Friday. I can do a payment plan but I can't come up with 1400 dollars by then and my loans wont go through for a few weeks. My dad has done a lot and he told me it's not exactly possible to do it by then. I was told that I may just have to leave school for a semester. It was hard here for a while but I got through it. I'm strong now and know how to deal with the bad things and i'm finally starting to love it again here. I also don't want to leave school. I absolutely love what classes I have for next semester too. I know that everything happens for a reason, but I do hope that it works out to stay here another semester. I'm having a really hard time with this and I just hope it works out for the best. Right now I really don't know though. I don't really know how much this matters to anyone but that's the update. Hopefully i'll have a very happy post in a few days.

Ohh dead week

It is officially dead week, where apparently there are supposed to be no exams. Even though I had one today. Then I feel like all of my professors assigned projects and papers this week. Of course I have been working my tush off and not sleeping. I hardly sleep whenever i'm stressed. My mono has gotten a lot better, yet i'm still tired a lot. Due to having a weak immune system, it has taken a lot longer for it to get better. Lack of sleep on top of that makes it really hard but i'm managing. My sister taught me to schedule my naps in everyday and to just drag my butt out of bed for class no matter how tired I am. It definitely has worked. Between school and work, that's all I have going on. I did get an email for the registrar regarding how i'm not signed up for next semesters classes. If i'm not signed up by this week, i'm pretty much going to be considering withdrawn and that i'm not coming back next semester. Now that i've come to the point where I think it's best to stay for next semester, this is really stressful. I don't really know what's going to happen, but I know everyone is doing what they can to get it paid. We'll just have to see.

There is a possibility I am just going to make this blog available to followers on this, which would be my good friends that live far away, which was my original intention of this. I wasn't aware of just how many people looked at this and who exactly up until the past couple weeks. There are just some people I would rather not have knowing anything about my life, and I know they read this. All of my close friends do these so we can keep each other updated on our lives. Especially considering all of my close friends are across the state, country, or even in another country. I'll figure things out, but yeah if it goes away that will be why.

To sum it all up, everything is really good right now. Even through all of the stress I am really happy. I just keep figuring out ways that help me and of course I have many lovely people in my life that make everything great. Anyways I have work in a couple hours and a massive list of assignments to do. I will most likely update this coming weekend. I wanted to post a couple pictures that were kind of funny to me. I'm not exactly a messy person but it does tend to accumulate every once in a while. Then it will drive me nuts and i'll beautify it. It's always a cycle and i'm realizing I definitely have some of my mother in me when it comes to cleanliness. I deep cleaned my room yesterday and within fifteen hours of being in my room and studying, my desk accumulated quite a bit. It definitely is the looks of someone trying to keep themselves alert to keep studying.


My dorm after it was deep cleaned


15 hours later

Strength and Inspiration

It was definitely a long and stressful week. I had a big paper due on wednesday and I had my Sociology final on friday. Between those, classes, and work it was really stressful. I was holed up in the library and my room every night working. I know how much I have riding on these grades staying up. I also had to deal with some guys and their ridiculous drama. It's pretty sad when they have a war going on between eachother and they bring someone that's not involved as a pawn in their game to spite eachother. It's not something I want to go into on here, but i'm finding out that a lot of guys are really pricks. Anyways I worked my ass off to ace my exam, got in and took it and I felt like I knew all of it. I somehow bombed it. I don't even know how it's possible. That screwed up my most important grade and I don't exactly know what to do from here. If it's a class for your major, you have to get a high grade before you go onto the next set of classes. Plus it will screw up my GPA for my transfer. I'm at a loss for knowing where i'll be next year or what will happen, but I just know I need to keep trying and hopefully my professor will work with me.

This week I did get an offer to go to New York in January. I'll have all of my birthday and Christmas money so I can actually afford it. If there is room for me to stay where she is staying, then I will most likely be going. I pretty much just told my parents I was. I'll be 19 by then and it's somewhere I really want to go.

Anyways lately I just continue to be completely inspired by certain people. I hear people everyday that are just upset by teenage drama. Well I live around most of it. Here i'm watching someone I love so much pushing through while having leukemia. I absolutely admire people that keep going to make the best of their life when they have hard things such as this. I just found out about a friend who has lost his hearing, and he is a musician. It's amazing to see that they don't let any of this tear them down, they keep fighting. I know so many other stories of people around me who are so strong. A lot of people like to feel better as realizing that their are others that have it harder then them. I like to just look around and see the strength of others. It's one thing that inspires me when i'm having a hard time of a much lesser nature. I also do what I can to help those that are just trying to keep pushing through.

In two weeks i'll be done with my first semester of college. I know what I want to do in life but it's about managing and working my way there. In my first four months of college and being away from home, i've already realized and experienced a lot. I also have an amazing support system. My parents, siblings, and realizing who my closest friends are. One way or another I know i'll get through everything. Just have to keep on trying. I must get to my homework now. Everyone have an amazing week.

After an amazing break

I thought I would have written by monday, but I have been so busy! On monday I got to Orem. It had been snowing really hard in the morning, so i didn't think I would be able to get down there. Even though the sun came out so I was able to! I had lunch with my sister before she headed to Texas for thanksgiving. I also filmed my sister for something she had to do for a job she was applying for. We hiked up to a place near cottonwood and it was beautiful. I then got to see Carson and Bekah. I missed them so much and i'm glad I got to see them. It was a fabulous day and i'm so glad it worked out. Tuesday I had thanksgiving with my dad and we just went and got sushi. It was a perfect thanksgiving to have with him. Wednesday I got up to Park City. Both of my stepsisters were in along with my nephew and brother in law. I'm so glad I was able to spend so much time with them this week. I can't believe the next time I see my nephew that he will be a toddler. I hate that they are all so far away. I spent a lot of wednesday with Nicole too. I have missed her so much! Thanksgiving was wonderful and we had my stepdads entire family up. A couple of them tend to drive me nuts but most I like. It was then black friday so I worked the morning shift and night shift. A lot of my coworkers from this summer came back just to work black friday. It was great and I have really missed my job there and my coworkers that I was close to. I got called into work today so i had to cut my trip short and come back to Logan. Even though I decided to make the best of it and it turned out to be a good day. Plus I definitely will love having a bigger paycheck. I found out that I can go home for a couple weeks of christmas break instead of staying in Logan the whole time to work. I can transfer to the pc store for that time and then come back when school starts. This has made me so happy that I keep my job and get to go back to family and friends. It definitely added to my day being great. One of my roomates also came back early and we ended up talking for a couple hours. Something I think that was needed given what has happened with some of my other roomates.I also got to see a friend I don't see often so there was definitely reasoning behind me coming back early.

I have absolutely no complaints of my break. It was absolutely perfect. I spent a lot of it taking care of my nephew too. I have fallen in love with that little one so much. I kept asking to feed him and take him and even change him. When I came back at four am on black friday, my stepsister was up with him. I was like "Let me take him and feed him for you!" It's definitely a lot of work and I love him so much, but I am really glad i'm just a working student. I would love so much to be a mother one day, but definitely not for another ten years.

I feel like i always realize the most on my trips home. I just needed to get back to my happy self and de-stress. It helps me realize when I just need to make things better and not expect that because things aren't going perfectly, that they wont get better. As i've said before and just needed to realize again, i can make them better on my own. Hopefully i'll stay happy and with this attitude. My roomates are coming back tomorrow and finals start this week. Yet i think it will all work out. The only thing that has been slightly hard this week is that I haven't heard from someone who I have looked at to be one of my closest friends. I'm trying not to take it personal, but it's hard. I feel like i'm being avoided. I guess i'll just have to see. Anyways it is almost four am and I need to sleep so I can get up and spend my day studying. To everyone who is finishing up the semester, I wish you luck. I also hope everyone is staying safe with this weather that has started. Here are just a couple photos from my break!


Baby Austin and I


Overlooking the city

Greatful for my family and friends

Well I haven't posted in a few days. School and everything else has been pretty good. I've been happy. I felt reasonably well most of the week. Until wednesday night when I hit a wall and got sick again. On Thursday my friend was telling me I probably had mono, since I had all the symptoms and my glands were swollen. I went back to the doctor today. I do in fact have mono. Five weeks ago when I was first diagnosed with my two infectons, I had tested negative for mono. Apparently when it's first developing, it's not always detectable in the blood. Now we understand why I have been so incredibly sick for so long. He said it usually goes away in about 6-7 weeks, so hopefully it will be gone soon. I came home for the weekend. I got to see Nicole tonight. I have missed her so much and we had some amazing conversations. I'm glad I have such a strong and sweet best friend. Now I get to spend the rest of the weekend with my family and her which I am so glad I get to do. Things really are pretty good considering. I'm still so excited for Thanksgiving and that weekend. Then Christmas will be coming up! I also still have my countdown till Rob gets here and my birthday. Everything is looking up. With the things that are hard, we all have a great perspective and hope. There is no reason to waste time on being angry or upset when everyone is still here and able to make good memories. That's my perspective. I heard this quote on one of my favorite shows and it's really true. "Happiness is a mood, not all days will you be happy, but it is not nessicarily something that needs to work to be achieved in a long stretch of time." It was something along those lines. I'm living in the moment and making everything the best it can be. I also found out today that my grandma was in the hospital last week due to a rollover on her scooter. No one could reach my aunt who was out of the country and they didn't have numbers for my dad or other aunt. After this she has decided to move back. I'm very close with her and i'm happy she is. When I was in 7th grade I'd go to her place just about everyday after school. We would watch Dr. Phil, Oprah, Play cards, and then go to dinner. She is an incredible person and has remained sharp up until 91 years old. I'm glad she will be here for the last years of her life. I've lost two grandmas in the past five years, and it has been hard. One of them pratically helped raise me, but when she got sick and moved across the state, I didn't see her as much in the last years of her life. My other grandma is my step grandma that I got very close to in five years. I don't want to lose another while i'm not there. I hope she remains healthy, but I know realistically that wont be the case. I can hope for the best as I am in every situation. I'm just glad I get to be close to her again. Anyways I am exhausted. I will write later. Night all. Stay safe.

I may just be back

I feel like i'm getting back to a happy point. I pretty much sat in my apartment this weekend and watched season 2 of gossip girl. Yes, I have found how to cure my loneliness. It seemed to work rather well. Once again I pondered the situations before me. I'm trying to maintain the highest amount of happiness and figuring out ways to do so. In some cases that meant getting certain people out of my life. After my breakup I went from dating such a sweet person to guys that just aren't the nicest. I continually went back to the same one. I don't need someone that ignores me most of the time and just calls me when he gets lonely. Self respect and walking away is a beautiful thing. But what happens to counteract this? I have three new people come into my life. A couple are still making their way in, but it's just amazing how this happens. It gives me hope that it will get better. Of course once I have my mind clear, I go with my philosophy of doing what I can to better things. Meeting new people and doing what I love just seems to go with that. I've still had to try and move on from my break up too. I feel like your heart has to start to let go before you can fully try and move on. When we ended things and I knew it was best to, yet when you have those feelings there it isn't the easiest thing to do.

As everyone knows I have been insanely sick since i've come to school. With my two infections that never seem to leave and other things to it. I'm hoping that I'm starting to get better. After fighting those several times over, and that I am actually taking medication to boost my immune system. It's looking good. I want to be a normal college student who doesn't miss class. I love learning and school. I really think it made me even more depressed being out of classes and not being there to live up to my full potential. Instead I was just doing a little effort to get through classes since I was too sick to deal with them all full force.

I believe things are starting to look up. Not just a good perspective but things are starting to get better. I'm so excited for the holidays. Then soon after that it's my birthday and Rob will be here! :). Hopefully I'll be able to do my intership in California this summer. The way to be happy is to live your life fully and invest love into your relationships. My parents, sister, and few close friends have boosted me up a lot. I love having great phone calls and knowing that they're there, even if they are far away is distance. I even love those sweet phone calls from my little brother, and just being able to hear that sweet little voice when he tells me he loves me. Small little things that make me feel so much better.

Oh and if I have learned anything this past week. Many guys are just creepers. Last week was creeper week and I had so many odd experiences. Even though my heart to heart with my new guy manager did help me understand guys so much better right now. With my recent situations. It was a great and interesting perspective.

Anyways this is so long and I have classes to catch up on. I love you all! Enjoy the snow.

Well this weekend was amazing. I had a lot of fun at the howl and it was just great. Sunday I had to work at nine, which was awful. Then I just layed around at my dorm. It wasn't too exciting. Yesterday I had to go to court. We got up there and they didn't have a paper that was needed that was relating to my plea, so I have to go back on the 29th. I essentially missed class for nothing. I took a certain person to court today that was there that night. They ended up getting two days jail time. We saw it was coming due to the judge, but it broke my heart hearing that. Were good kids that were just in a stupid situation and we've learned from it. It's not fair that this is happening. Also with what happened that night. My god I just don't understand.

I'm also tired of so many people around me. I'm sick of listening to people judge others. I don't have anyone here I can talk to. I want to be home right now. I absolutely want my family more then anything. It's beyond me what to do right now. I love going to school, but i'm just not sure how much I can stand certain people here. I feel like i'm back in Utah County, and i hate that. I'm not mormon or conservative. My views are very different. I don't go around drinking even if I hang out with people that do sometimes. And yeah I have dated a lot of people this year and I can tell i'm looked down on for that. I can tell people just think they know everything I do because I hang out with certain people or because I date different people. I love my university and many friends here, but this is bothering me a lot. Along with i'm really only close to one person, and I never see him. I don't know right now. We'll see how things go.