The way things change

This has been decided for a few days but i had to wait for all of my managers to know before i actually said it publicly. Though i will be moving back to Logan on June 1st. On Monday night i was thinking and it came into my mind. I realized it may actually be possible to go back and live on my own. On Tuesday i had all the money figured out, my parents support, i found an apartment, and had my job transferred back. I finally feel like this summer isn't just going to be long days of work without being happy. I love my job but i just need more then that. I have just a few friends here and my family. My sister is moving to San Francisco in less then two weeks. It definitely wont be easy since i'll be paying rent, food, gas, and other bills i have all on my own. Meaning i am on one serious hunt for a second job. Though i am really excited to be back on my own and being fully self supportive. It is a bonus to have some friends up there this summer too. Plus i can still come home and see my family and friends. It just works out. I have been back at PC aero which has been great. I was worried i wouldn't like it as much since it would be different from last summer and there are so many high schoolers there. But i absolutely love it. My managers are nutty and awesome and i love my coworkers. It will definitely be sad to leave there again but i am going back to other wonderful managers and coworkers.

I'm just so glad to be happy again and to have something to look forward to that isn't months away. It makes my time here so much more enjoyable. I really want to do just a class this summer. I don't know if it will be possible financially though. I will just have to see. Anyways that's all i have to update for now. I need to get to sleep since it is going to be a very long day tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone. <3

Seriously it's summer?

I just can't believe this year is done. Even packing and moving didn't make me realize it. I feel like were just going on break. But i just keep reminding myself that we are in fact done. Right now it's hard for me since i wont ever be back at the LLC with the same people and it's just done. I know i'll eventually realize that it's a positive thing and were just growing up and going to experience even better things. I just hope i'm not a work hermit this summer since i do really want to see all my friends. Especially USU ones since i know i will dearly miss them. I always love summer since it's about being with friends and having those summer romances and just having so much fun. It bothers me that many friends are spread out throughout the western states and well any guys i start to like just become too difficult. I'm not planning on the summer romance this summer but who knows. I've had it the past few summers. I love it. A couple have even lasted into the year. Plus with the year ending, it's just sad when you have a couple close friends from school who don't actually live far away. You mention hanging out and it's just kind of blown off. I guess my feelings are just kind of hurt right now. Makes me feel like i'm just a friend at the time when they need something.

I'm a mix of emotions now though so in the morning i may not have any of these feelings. After saying goodbye to people today and moving and then going to the memorial. Plus being exhausted after finals. It's just exhausting in many ways so i may just be in a weird state right now. I don't feel like my normal happy self but of course it hasn't been the easiest week for me and many other people. I am going to Zions for the weekend with my family. It should hopefully put me back in a better state. :). Though here is to a good summer! Not just for me but everyone reading this. It is time to sleep since i have to be up early tomorrow. Everyone have a great weekend!

In memory of Chris Maddux

I know for many people reading this, they know exactly who this man is. Yet i know some people reading this are not from PC so they don't know him. This man was a teacher at my high school and i had TV live production with him. I have had teachers pass before and of course it's sad to know anyone that has passed, but i've never had a passing of a non family member take effect on me so much as this has. For many of us, we had atleast that one teacher who inspired us and greatly changed our lives. It was until senior year that i would have 3 teachers like that and he was one of them. There was a different change on my life from each of them. I came into his class last year thinking i would just be a fun class to take. I loved journalism and film from there but was intimidated and never thought that i could do it. He always told me that it would be a wonderful thing for me and that i really should pursue it. If it weren't for his class and the constant encouragement, i wouldn't have gone into journalism. Aside from how he inspired many students, he was such a wonderful man. I've seen him be there for many students in times of need and he was also for myself. He was so sweet to me when my grandma died and didn't just send me off, but he sat there and talked to me about it. He always tried to make people feel better and he was just the one teacher whose class you would always look forward to. Even though i graduated last year, he has always been one of the three teachers i always visit. Everytime i would come in he would talk to me about how my life was and school. He always would give me a hug and tell me he's so proud to see me doing so well and following my heart. The last time i saw him was a month and a half ago and he told me he was looking forward to the next time i come in. We discussed all this and how his son who is also a friend of mine, is about to go off to college. He told me that he wishes so much how he could send him anywhere he wanted to, but it's not possible since both his parents are teachers. Anyone knows he was so selfless in how he cared for his family. Everyday we would watch him stop class to kiss and hug his kids goodbye. It's amazing to see a man who just finds so much love and happiness in their families and in being a mentor to students. There were people who would just see him around or the ones who have a future due to how he helped them. For a very long time it's going to leave a very empty feeling for anyone who walks into the TV media room knowing that he will no longer be there. There was always such a good spirit in that room due to how he made it. I felt that i needed to write this to help how this is hard for me. It's better to remember the great of a person that constantly thinking of how they're gone. I know for many people he inspired and mentored that this is hard and that i'm definitely one of many who is affected by this. I'm just glad that he is no longer in pain and hopefully one day his family will be okay through all of this.

Final time

It's still completely blowing my mind that were almost done. I can't even believe how fast this semester once. I know it's going to be kind of hard going home for almost for months after being on my own but i think it will go fast and still be great. I'm just hoping to make some friends in salt lake. I have my few good friends in PC but otherwise there wont be many people to chill with this summer aside from them and my close friends from Orem. I'm kind of bummed out for school to be ending but i'd rather the year be ending on a high note. This year has absolutely been the best year of my life. There will definitely hard things but the good completely counteracted that. I have learned so much this year and i feel as if life is just going to keep getting better. This really is the time of our lives. Which is why the song Time of our Lives by Tyrone Wells just completely exemplifies how great this year was and how much this time in our lives means. I do have to put some of my favorite moments from this year. Not nessicarily in any particular order.

1. The 80's dance.
2. Barcelona concert.
3. The weekend of September 11-13th.
4. The elections dance.
5. The howl.
6. Little America stay.
7. New Years Eve
8. Gateway and Noodles
9. The random drives to Idaho that occured
10. The last weekend of the year

A few people that are part of these memories i no longer talk to. But they still are amazing and i'm still glad they happened. But those are it! For anyone that came into my life this year, i'm so glad to have had you in my life this year. Along with my close friends that have always been in my life. Anyways i do have to get to bed for finals tomorrow. I'd put the Tyrone wells video on this, but i can't find the link. So this it it. I shall write later! :)

Almost to the end

Lately i have just been really sad that this year is coming to an end. Though this week i finally just realized i am really excited to be home. Without a doubt i'm going to miss a lot of people. Some that i know i will probably not see again. I definitely want to be with my family for a while. I only have a month left until my sister moves so i definitely want to be with her. I will be working two jobs this summer and volunteering at the hospital. Then of course spending way too many hours at the pool as i tend to do. I'm excited for those summer nights and being back with everyone for a while. I know next year will be great too. I just need to move on to a new chapter. I have still been very happy lately but i know there are just a couple things i've started to struggle with again. I've gone through a couple hard breakups this year and then some bad guys that came into my life. Then a couple other i liked who just didn't like me back. It had just caused me to feel like i'm not good enough. But maybe it just all happens for a reason. You're meant to go through some good and bad guys and have heartbreaks before you find that good person for you. It's still hard for me to figure out but it does still hurt sometimes. I'm tired of feeling like that. Then when you're sitting next to someone and realize that maybe your feelings didn't go away after all. It leads to a whole lot of complicated. I just need to figure out all of this so it will all stop hurting me.

Otherwise everything is good and i can't wait to go home this weekend since it has been a month. I did go to Salt Lake this weekend for my grandmas 91st birthday.

I love this woman so much. I just hate thinking that she may not be around much longer. She has been such a strong influence on my life and i have so many great memories with her. I'm so greatful to have been blessed with wonderful grandparents. <3

That's all i have for today. I need to finish getting my stuff ready for registration.

living and love to the highest point

Before i die, i want to fall in love. I want to get what i dream. It scares me that may never happen. I may die unexpectedly in five years or it could be when i'm 80. One of the things i dearly want to happen before then is to fall in love. Beautiful undeniable love that will not falter. Someone that finds a happiness in being with me. At this point in my life, i just want a good guy. One that wants to be friends and wants something more then just sex. One that wont walk away if he does or doesn't get that. As of lately, i just feel like that piece of ass. I don't feel worth anything due to how i've been treated. I'm so tired of guys walking away and ones that if they try and be friends with me that their ultimatum is sex. I'm sure as hell not going to be that girl. I'm now not blind to how guys are at this age and now i'm just worried that they will all be like that. I just want one to prove me wrong. I'll just have to see. I dearly do not know.

I may want to fall in love one day, but my dreams are what come first. I want to graduate and become an FBI profiler that assists as the communications laison. I want to be able to help and make a difference in peoples lives. I believe that i can achieve this and i will do everything in my power to do so. Many people in my life have an idea that this is what i want to do. I don't think anyone truly knows how passionate i am about this. Anyways as much as i would love to stay up and write. It's two am and to achieve my dreams i do need to attend my classes. Goodnight.

A month left

I realized it has been a while since posting. I just have to say that everything is amazing right now. I have never been so happy and upbeat then the past month. Things are great and my mindset is great. It was really hard for a while but i came through and i'm better then i have ever been. I have exactly a month left from today until freshman year is done. Most people are ready for it to be over and i am sad for it to end. It was definitely hard at the beginning and i couldn't wait to go home, but now i'm adjusted and it's incredible. I'm so glad i stayed.

Once again i do have to post that i am just so damn happy to be somewhat single. People keep talking about marriage and i'm just like WHAAAAT!? I was asked by a friend yesterday if i would get married in a year if prince charming walked into my life today and was everything i want. I honestly wouldn't. I have way too much i want to do with my life right now and i will be doing so for many more years. MANY. Even though i wouldn't mind finding one guy who actually cares about me. Maybe that will happen but who knows. I'm just so glad i'm strong now not to go back to guys that are just really not good. I just had a situation last week and instead of putting my feelings first, i used my brain and i'm not going to get hurt again by douchebags. Not to mention i wont lose my self respect. I just had to point that all out since i'm quite proud of it right now.

Well i hope this last month has many wonderful things in store. Hopefully many more wonderful memories too. That's all i have for tonight. <3